Men want the same thing from women that they want from their underwear... a little support, comfort, and freedom. - Jerry Seinfeld
I don't understand women at all. Like how a women can pour boiling hot wax onto their upper thigh, then rip the hair out by the root... and still be afraid of a spider. - Jerry Seinfeld
There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. - Jerry Seinfeld
The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want! - Jerry Seinfeld
Keep your head up in failure, and your head down in success. - Jerry Seinfeld
A bookstore is one of the many pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking. - Jerry Seinfeld
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking. - Jerry Seinfeld
There is no such thing as "fun for the whole family." - Jerry Seinfeld
It s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. - Jerry Seinfeld
There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked. - Jerry Seinfeld
I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating ME! - Jerry Seinfeld
Men want the same thing from women and their underwear: support, comfort, and freedom. - Jerry Seinfeld
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? - Jerry Seinfeld
Elaine: Ugh, I hate people.Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst. - Jerry Seinfeld
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason - Jerry Seinfeld
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. - Jerry Seinfeld
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end. - Jerry Seinfeld
Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door. - Jerry Seinfeld
I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything. - Jerry Seinfeld